Hello!
Welcome back to the blog my darling.
Today I wanted to write a short note that will probably be included in an upcoming video, but this is a very simple and very short piece of dating advice: ASK FOR HIS NUMBER.
You read that right.
Me, a stay-at-home wife and mother, a person who believes in the beauty of traditional roles... I am encouraging you to ask for HIS number. Shocking, right?
Let me explain.
Do I believe that men should pursue? Absolutely. Do I think it's great when they pay for the first date? YES! But am I against women making the first move? NOPE.
And why is this?
Well, many reasons, but firstly, because it is a tried-and-true method of dating success.
If you really pay attention, if you listen and collect the stories of people in successful relationships, you will find that many, many, many of those stories began with the woman making the first "move." Whether that is asking for a number, stopping to talk to a cute guy at the library, or even asking a guy out for coffee: many women have successfully acquired healthy long-term relationships by making the first move.
Just today I saw on an Instagram Q&A of this beautiful British model that she was the one to ask her husband for his number when they met at a nightclub. This woman models all over the world: she's stunning, happy, fashionable, and successful. Many femininity and dating coaches would have you believe that women like that are to sit around waiting to be chased: that they'll be asked out for dinners, flown around by potential suitors, and waited on by handsome eligible bachelors.
And truthfully, I'm sure she was.
I'm sure she had a lot of attention from a lot of men. But it's not about who's giving you attention: it's about whose attention you WANT. And she wanted that guy at the nightclub who ended up being her husband!
So why didn't he ask for her number?
Who knows.
Maybe she was dancing with girlfriends and he didn't have a moment. Maybe he was too focused on his buddies or his drink to notice. Or (most likely) he saw her and thought there was no way he had a chance with her. Really, it doesn't matter why he didn't ask for her number first. It doesn't matter or signify anything in the long run. He landed the plane, didn't he? They courted, got married, and the rest is history.
Because what I'm trying to tell you is that it doesn't matter who makes the first move.
I have a good girlfriend whose husband is more on the shy side. He's quiet, had never dated, and probably wouldn't have made a move on her in a decade. But she took charge and asked him out, which was essentially the green light for him to get his boots into gear. Now they're married with a son and another baby on the way! And that shy guy? He's mighty grateful his larger-than-life-personality wife took the initiative.
Because making the first move is not the same thing as making ALL the moves. It's just an initiation.
Sometimes men don't initiate because they're not focused on you: they're just with the boys. Or they're too shy, or they can't tell if you're single, or they can't tell if a girl like you would even be INTO them! Not to mention, these days, normal men tend to be more conservative with chasing women, at least initially.
So I absolutely encourage you to do the daring thing and to make the first move.
Am I saying you should pay for all the dates? Text him first all the time? Get down on one knee and propose?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
But making the first move is just waving a green flag in a guy's face and saying "hey, I think you're intriguing." And what a compliment!
I know it can be scary, but trust me: it's so worth it. Even when you fail, it's at least better to try than to just sit at home, weekend after weekend single as a pringle.
Just to share, I've had failures with this, but it's all okay! One time in college I saw this guy around campus and the rock wall all the time and thought he was so handsome and seemed really nice. He was a little older than me and I was just a freshman, but I decided to stop by his table one day when I was at the library and strike up a conversation. He was surprised, but we chatted pleasantly for a while, only for me to find out he had a girlfriend who was away on a study abroad in Peru LOL.
I was so, so, so embarrassed, because it was probably pretty clear I was trying to flirt with him, and yeah, my cheeks were red for the rest of the day, but let me tell you, now as a married mother of two, I don't regret that day for a moment in my life. I'm not married to him, but I want to give little freshman me a firm handshake and a clap on the back for putting herself out there.
I'm not a believer in soul mates. I believe in falling in love and I believe in life-long marital commitment, but I really think you can begin a relationship with nearly anyone you're attracted to who is single and shares your values.
That could be ANYBODY. It could be the guy at the grocery store! It could be your childhood friend!
So why not put yourself out there? Maybe it won't be as dramatic as stopping to talk to someone out of the blue, but it could be initiating something with a guy you work with or have been friends with for a long time. It could be as simple as dropping off a baking tray of cookies to him or commenting on his Instagram photo. It could be inviting him to something fun with a group of friends or walking by his desk every day at work.
Whatever it is, I hope you all take initiative in 2023 and get those relationships going! Making the first move does not mean you will be chasing that guy or leading that relationship for your entire life. But it could mean the difference between being single and being in love.
xoxo,
Cait