Hello my friend!
Today I wanted to kick off October with a post dedicated to blessing our husbands.
This is an important topic as husbands are very overlooked in our modern world. You can find lists and articles about how men and husbands can improve and bless their wives, yet we rarely discuss how wives can bless their husbands, or even how they can be better wives.
In fact, it is downright blasphemous to even bring up the idea that wives could or need to improve. We have this perpetual narrative that women are perfect goddesses, and that they are already doing enough, good enough, and perfect enough. To bring up the idea that wives could work to improve or women could improve is downright offensive. Haven't you heard!? We're perfect just the way we are! We're already doing enough!
But this is simply not true.
All humans and people have room to improve. This is not to say that we need to strive for perfection as wives, but I think it's helpful to discuss ways in which we can show love to our husbands. Husbands do so much for us, and we vowed to cherish them. So, today I wanted to share some ways in which I've been able to work to bless my husband.
This is of course not an exhaustive list, and I FALL SHORT IN THESE AREAS OFTEN, but, it doesn't stop me from trying to improve.
I hope you feel inspired!
1. Listen to him when he is speaking.
To open up, I encourage you to think about how you behave when he is speaking to you or telling you about his day. I try to put my phone down, make eye contact, and avoid interrupting. Try to give him the respect you would want if you were the one sharing a story or speaking. Pay attention and ask related questions, and don't constantly direct the conversation back to you or your problems. Establish a connection with him while he is speaking: it will help you bond!
2. Praise him in front of others.
This is majorly important to men, and although it might not seem that meaningful to you, it is indeed a way in which you can communicate respect and love. Compliment him, tell others about something he did great, and NEVER put him down in front of others. I do this by telling others interesting accomplishments my husband has done at work, some things he's done around the house, or even by sharing older stories of cool things he's done. Build him up in front of others, he will feel like a king!
3. Initiate and communicate in the bedroom.
Learning with each other in the bedroom is a lifelong journey, but it can be much smoother when you try to communicate your desires and needs. This can be by encouraging him when you like something, or by being honest if you don't. Try to initiate intimacy with him, and be open with him about your thoughts on frequency, timing, and anything else. The best way you can have a better intimate life is to get used to communicating your needs.
Communicating your needs will probably make you feel more eager when it is time to be intimate! Also, as a side tip, try to do whatever you need to do to feel confident and pleasant for intimacy. This might mean getting your body tidied, putting some perfume on, or setting the scene the way you like. Put in the effort! You won't regret it!
4. Make his life easier with small gestures.
This is one of my favorite ways to bless my man. Small gestures can be almost anything: if I'm walking by the bathroom and my husband is taking a shower, I'll set a fresh towel nearby for him when he's finished. I pick up his socks and dirty clothes by the bed because he takes them off after a long night shift, and it's so simple for me to toss them in the laundry on my way out of the room. If I'm going upstairs or getting up out of a room, I offer to bring him water or a treat. If I notice he likes a certain food or recipe, I make a note and buy or make that for him. None of these things take much thought or energy, but they help him feel welcomed, loved and noticed in our home. That is always the goal!
5. Don't compare him to other men.
Never do this! It's rude and cruel. How would you like if he verbally or even mentally compared you to other women? To other men's wives or to famous women? How would that feel? So much is said about men treating their wives as the center of beauty and esteeming them, but little is said towards wives to do the same thing. Even if you are tempted, I encourage you to pause and take a moment to be grateful for your husband.
I promise that if he died tomorrow, you would be comparing every man in the world to him, not the other way around. Do not take him for granted and do not hurt his feelings by comparing him. It is not kind. If you compare him to other men in the hopes that this will pressure him to perform better or do better, you are playing a losing game. The best way to get your husband to perform better is to encourage him in the things that he is already doing great in. He will enjoy this feeling and want to continue growing and earning your praise.
6. Clean the house.
This is double and triple important for homemakers, but even if you work, it can be a sweet gesture. I believe that if you both work full time, cleaning and chores should be split directly down the middle, 50/50. However, if your husband provides food and shelter for you, it is good to take care of that shelter. You don't have to have a spic and span house: just focus on a general sweeping tidy, a monthly declutter, and cleaning up your kitchen and bathroom. Make the bed every day and do consistent laundry and you are ALREADY one hundred times cleaner than 99% of people out there.
7. Take interest in the things he wishes to speak about.
We do this for each other. My husband actively listens and participates when I want to chat about the frustrations of finding attractive clothing for a larger bust, or when I have thoughts about how I'm cleaning a certain part of the house, or even when I want to speak about the increasing number of squirrels I've been noticing in the backyard. He has patience and interest for all my chats. And I return that same love to him.
I heard once that this is one of the best things you can ever do for your spouse: to be interested and excited in the things that they are interested in. Never put them down. This means that when I come over to tell him a fact I learned about elephants, he is kind and interested instead of saying or thinking I'm silly or lame. This is the same for your husband. If he wants to excitedly tell you that the worst player on his favorite team finally got traded, don't put him down or act like you're bored, even if you are. This will go a loooooooong way in your friendship.
8. Ask for his advice and help.
I started doing this more and more and it's benefitted my life so much, but also shown him that he is a valued member of this family. I had been running into some obstacles with my cleaning routine, so I decided to go ask for his advice or opinions, wondering what he would do in my situation. He came up with some amazing ideas and was SO helpful. Do this often, and your man will feel like he is important and helpful to you.
9. Tell him he's your hero.
This is similar to the above tip, but just straight up tell him "you're my hero." When he empties the trash, helps you with something, or even just out of the blue. It will make him feel SO good.
10. Thank him.
Another simple act, but do this OFTEN. And mean it. I thank my husband for driving us places, I thank him for doing chores, I thank him for going to work for us, and I thank him every time I notice he did something for me. This again goes a long way. Notice his sacrifices and draw attention to it by thanking him. Some people don't like to thank because they don't like to draw attention to the fact that someone else had to go out of their way for them. But when you thank, you actually make that person feel even more satisfied that they went out of their way for you, not less.
11. Dress cute.
Simple, but dress as cute as you did when you were dating. This doesn't have to be 24/7, but do this a few times a week. He will notice: I promise.
12. Be sweet.
Finally, be sweet. In all you do, try to be sweeter than sugar. Rub his back, listen to his problems, and do sweet things for him. No matter how feisty a man says he likes his girl to be, no man can resist the draw of a truly sweet woman. It is one of the most powerful and effective things you can do in your marriage, and will absolutely yield positive results. Go out of your way in all you do to be as sweet to your husband as possible. He will feel like the king of the world.
Alright! I'm going to wrap this post up for today. I hope you feel inspired today and remember that you don't need to be the perfect wife. You just need to try to cherish your husband every day.