How to Spot a Masculine Man *Romance Series Cont..*
Hello dearest Reader and welcome back to my blog!
You know that this little corner of the Internet is incredibly special to me, and I'm hoping it's becoming a comfy place for you to hang out too! Honestly isn't it kind of incredible that it's 2019, and both you and I are participating in the archaic practice of READING a written blog!? Sometimes I think about how un-modern blogs have become, and I am filled with an incredible sense of gratitude that ANYONE comes over here for a peek. So thank you for joining me, and let's dig in.
So last week I announced that we're officially off on a wild ride all about romance, relationships, dating, and more for the next few weeks. This week, I thought it would be fitting to discuss one of my FAVORITE creatures in the universe: the elusive masculine man.
I think feminine women crave masculine men as much as those same men (apparently) crave true femininity. I see posts, forum chats, and YouTube comments from men all over the internet, complaining about the wane and demise of femininity in the West, but I have to say... many of us feminine women are ALSO lamenting the disappearance and systematic extinction of true masculine men!
I get asked QUITE often how we, as feminine women, can find and marry a truly masculine man, and how to even IDENTIFY one! Today, we will be discussing this in detail, so settle in my love! ;)
With phrases like toxic masculinity being tossed about without regard, I think it's easy for the truly masculine man to go into hiding. He probably feels misunderstood, unwelcome, and altogether despised by the society who constantly blames ALL the problems of today on masculinity.
It is true: these men are not as common as they were in the 1940's, BUT they still do exist! I'm married to one in fact. His masculinity is the true compliment to my nurturing spirit, and ever since the moment I met him, it has constantly drawn me towards him like a magnet.
So let's talk about that magnetic energy: the masculine spirit.
Masculine men come in all shapes and sizes and have all sorts of different personality traits, just like feminine women. We have boisterous and outgoing feminine women, and we have shy, meek, and gentle feminine women.
But the uniting factor of all feminine women is that they are nurturing to themselves, others, and the world around them. Feminine women exude gentleness, a kindness of spirit, and an inner strength and peace that allows them to help others.
Likewise, masculine men, while diverse, also have a uniting masculine spirit. Whether they are jovial, boisterous, and outgoing, or stoic, shy, and quiet, these men all have the same attributes: strength of will, responsibility & independence, confidence, and ambition.
Strength of WILL
Now, I think true masculinity is not only represented in a strong BODY. I think we can see strength of body, or mind, or spirit, but each of these has the common factor of having a strong "will." This willpower is what leads masculine men to do the difficult, incomprehensible, and challenging tasks.
This masculine strength of WILL is what brings men into battle. It is what allows them to constantly juggle an equation until the right physics are achieved for a new skyscraper. It helps them continue digging the ditch, and it gives them the strength they need to solve mathematical formulas.
Whether a masculine man is behind the wheel of a tank, a desk in an office, or a counter in a lab, all of these men have STRENGTH OF WILL.
It is the will behind masculinity that allows a masculine man to lead, provide, and defend. This strength of will is outfitted in logic and rationality, and stands firm in the face of crisis, tragedy, and danger. This does not mean that he will not have emotions, but it DOES mean that he will not be guided by those emotions all the time. A man who is guided by his emotions is highly prone to anger problems, and should be an absolute "NO" when finding himself in the runnings for your hand in marriage.
As we look for the strength of "will" in a masculine man, you might encounter a lot of behavior that to you, seems risky or extreme. But men are more apt to take risks as they have high levels of testosterone.
This risk-taking is a form of "willpower," as they are typically pitting themselves against an obstacle, and seeing if they can conquer it. This is why my husband likes to jump off cliffs when we go skiing, and I like to stay on the path. He wants to take risks and conquer, and that is absolutely a sign of his strength of will. Let your masculine men take risks and come out on top. Let them work hard at their career and push forward in their life. Masculine men enjoy showcasing and strengthening their will.
Masculine men are confident in their beliefs, opinions, life path, and personalities. They often have an air of confidence around them, created and forged through life experience and overcoming failures.
I say "earned" confidence because I think confidence is something that men have to work hard to achieve. If a man has confidence despite never overcoming any obstacles in life, he will come across as COCKY, not confident. But a man who has faced challenges and overcome them, has truly earned his confidence. In this instance, a man can truly "put his money where his mouth is" because he earned that right.
The confidence of masculine men often results in men who are not afraid of offending us. While this can be quite frustrating to many modern women, I think that this is very attractive and can be quite intriguing. It's actually what attracted me to my husband!
While we were on our study-abroad, I noticed my husband because of his confidence. If he disagreed with someone, even a really pretty girl or a professor with authority, he would state his opinion, and even argue the point. It was intriguing to see a man so sure of himself.
If you think of any SUPER ATTRACTIVE romance novel hero, like a Mr. Darcy, he's attractive because he's not tripping over himself to constantly praise Elizabeth and tell her how incredible and special she is 24/7. It is clear that he loves her, and yes, he could work on his attitude, but it's so refreshing to have a man challenge you and not be afraid of offending you.
This is an extremely helpful trait in a marriage because no one is perfect. My husband's willingness to challenge me, and his confidence in the face of my emotions has truly been helpful in our marriage and throughout our time together. He helps keep me on track because he's not scared of sharing his opinions with me.
Many women might be turned off by the confidence of a masculine man because they want to dominate the man. This is a recipe for divorce, and should never be your desired relationship. In total, let your man thrive how he is naturally. Let him overcome risk-taking obstacles to earn his confidence, and let him seek his thrills. Allow him to build confidence and tell jokes, and never fail to encourage him whenever an opportunity comes up for him to overcome his challenges.
Responsibility & Independence
A man living full into his masculinity will certainly be capable of handling responsibility. To strong leaders we give responsibility, and to masculine men, we give responsibility as well: responsibility at work, responsibility in community, in family, and even to provide for a family.
The image I chose for this post is that of a lone cowboy. I think of cowboys quite often when picturing a masculine man because there is something inherently masculine about survival and independence. A man who works his way forward and carves out a place for himself in this world has true masculinity. When men take charge of their lives and form their independence, they are essentially taking responsibility for themselves. This is the capstone to then taking on greater responsibilities in life.
Having and taking care of responsibilities is what separates men from boys and women from girls. When we are little girls, all we have to focus on is having fun, growing, and learning. When we grow up, it's time to take on responsibilities: caring for our homes, our bodies, our children, our families, and our lives.
Likewise, when a man grows up from being a boy, he will have responsibilities. This could be at work, with a family, or even just owning and maintaining his first car. Responsibilities and the ability to manage them are a key element to the masculine man. This man can handle paying his taxes, understands how to set up a 401K, and knows that when you father a child, you need to stick around. This man is a MAN.
Remember, masculine men do not abandon their responsibilities and expect other people to clean up after them. They showcase their strength, capabilities, and leadership through taking care of their responsibilities, and find pleasure and confidence in this. A man who manages his responsibilities is a man who will ultimately build up his little slice of a kingdom here on earth. He can own a home, father children, and hold down a job.
Responsibility is what separates boys from men.
This is a key to a masculine man. Now it doesn't mean he has to be knocking down walls and taking names at work in an effort to "get to the top," but it does involve a certain work ethic. The masculine man works hard and forges ahead in the face of adversity. He has plans for himself, and doesn't take a hit lying down.
I really want to stress that ambition isn't just about being a stockbroker on Wall Street or an NFL quarterback. A man who's working his way up to be manager at a gas station is ambitious. A man who started a little company on the side doing landscaping is ambitious. A man who always shows up for work and does his best is ambitious.
Anything that involves action, work, and forward trajectory is ambitious. A masculine man knows how to APPLY his talents, his interests, and his work in order to further his career and life. Don't get caught up on the dollars and cents behind a man: focus on his spirit. I would rather marry a poor man with ambition and a work ethic than a rich man who was lazy. The poor man will soon make his way, while the lazy man will spend his life failing to build character.
You will find ambitious men at the gym, on the job, or in a strong community. You will however be hard pressed to find a truly ambitious and masculine man indulging in drugs, partying, or other forms of escapism.
The ambitious man does not wish to chronically escape because he is so busy with working towards the future in the present moment. This doesn't mean he never lets loose, but we all know there is a vast difference between letting loose, and indulging in vices to forget the world.
Now, before we go, I want to briefly touch on "toxic masculinity."
I think there are two parts to this issue:
1. "Toxic Masculinity" can refer to a traditionally masculine trait being taken to the extreme. 2. "Toxic Masculinity" could refer to a man who FAILS to live into his masculinity.
For example, No. 1 would be a man who takes the masculine trait of ambition to the extreme. He could become a workaholic and a tyrant at home. This would adversely affect his relationships, and certainly be toxic. An example for No.2 would be a man shirking off the masculine trait of "responsibility, by leaving his family to live with a mistress. Both of these examples are toxic, but one is toxic for it's extreme masculinity, and the other is toxic for the ABSENCE of masculinity.
And for the sake of fairness, let's give a couple examples of toxic femininity.
1. "Toxic femininity" can refer to a traditionally feminine trait being taken to the extreme.
2. "Toxic femininity" can refer to a woman who FAILS to live into her femininity.
An example for No. 1, would be a woman taking the trait of "nurturing" to the extreme, resulting in overly coddled and overly dependent children. An example for No. 2, is a woman rejecting feminine gentleness altogether, resulting in a bitter, cruel, and aggressive spirit, which is absolutely NOT feminine. Both of these examples are toxic, but one is toxic for it's extreme femininity, and the other is toxic for the ABSENCE of femininity.
So you see, the extreme of a specific feminine or masculine trait is absolutely unhealthy, but it can also be unhealthy to completely reject these traits. As usual, we need a balance. I always talk about this on my channel, but it is more true today than ever.
As you go out into the world, begin rethinking your idea of a masculine man. He's not going to be the rich guy from Wall Street busy porking all the models in New York City. He could be an ambitious grocery store manager, or a confident and hilarious construction worker. This man could be jolly and good at science, but unwavering in his responsibilities. Rethink masculinity, and begin nurturing it in the men you love: encourage them in their confidence, and always allow them to thrive how they are.
Finally, never forget that just as women are on a spectrum of femininity, many men are too. We have a wide diversity in the range of traits in both men and women. Be careful to not dismiss a man for not appearing incredibly masculine at first glance. You may be missing out on an incredible man.
Happy days my beautiful reader. I hope you have a blessed evening.