This is hard to write, but I'm going to do it anyways.
I decided to continue to open up with you all about my life because I feel like it may help some of you. Today is Sunday, so really there is no better time for some intimate afternoon reading. Today, I want you to know that you are not alone in your pain and suffering. And if this blog post doesn't hit you on the nose, it may be for someone you know.
Today we are going to be talking about rejection.
Guys, everyone is going to experience major or minor rejection at some point. I didn't get picked for the volleyball team in high school, I never got called back about that desk job I applied for in September, and almost all of my old college friends have grown apart from me. These rejections are what I will categorize as MINOR rejections.
Today we are going to be talking about MAJOR rejection.
Major rejection is unnatural rejection. It is when someone who is "supposed" to love you decides to walk away from you.
Unnatural rejection is your parents abandoning you or your family turning on you. Unnatural rejection is your lifelong partner packing their bags and leaving you--it is your best friend and kindred spirit betraying you.
Major rejection is unnatural because it isn't supposed to happen. Kids aren't supposed to be abandoned, spouses aren't supposed to leave, and best friends were supposed to be forever right? Unfortunately, MANY of us have and WILL experience unnatural rejection during our lifetime; me included.
I'm what you could call a "black sheep." I've experienced major rejection from my parents and my family. The pain is oftentimes unbearable, but I know that I am not alone: so many of you know the pain of estrangement from one or both of your parents. Many of you have been broken up with or divorced, and an even larger amount of you have been betrayed by your best friend.
Let's Talk About the Pain:
Reader, I want you to know today that I am reaching my little Black Sheep heart out to you: I understand what you are going through.
I know the pain of trying to make new friends while subsequently avoiding the topic of your family, your marriage, or your whatever. You feel ashamed of the rejection you experienced and are afraid of other people not understanding. It feels like you have a huge stamp on your forehead that says "HEY WORLD! See her? Don't go near her: her own family can't stand her!"
The fear causes you to isolate yourself from others and you begin to feel like a freak. You find yourself thinking "Other people have normal families, why'd I get stuck with MY parents?" "Other people have marriages that work out, why did my spouse have to leave me" and so on and so on.
The shame of the rejection is almost as unbearable as the loss itself.
You feel ashamed of being rejected, as if it somehow signifies that something is wrong with you.
Finally, you begin to listen to a small voice in your head telling you you're trash and that's why they didn't want you. You're unlovable, and that's why they didn't fight for you. Something's wrong with you and something's always been wrong with you.
I believed those voices for so long and still often find myself believing them. If you can relate to the pain I am sharing, know that I am hear to scoop you up and hold your hand. I am here to remind you that the voice in your head is lying to you.
Every time you feel like trash, that is a LIE. Every time that voice tells you that you don't deserve love, that's a LIE. When you become afraid of people hurting you the way you've been hurt before, I encourage you to take baby steps.
Today in church we sang the following words:
I am chosen, not forsaken
I am who you say I am
I almost began crying right there while I was leading worship. Becoming my family's Black Sheep has left me feeling all sorts of pain, betrayal and abandonment even years later. But today in church I was reminded of the truth.
Readers, God CHOOSES you, even when people in your life forsake you. You could be forsaken by everyone in your life and God would still choose you. How glorious is that? Listen to what God says of you, not the voice in your head.
PSA: You are not worthless and you are not your rejection. You are valuable, and you are loved. You are seen, and you are heard. There is no stamp on your forehead.
Remember, you WILL laugh again, you CAN trust again, and you most certainly will BE loved again. But reader, you must take the time to heal. Be nurtured in Christ and in the love of the people around you. I pray that you remember how deeply valuable you are, as you are made in the Image of God. He loves you and will use this for your good.
Thanks for joining me for the first installment of the Heart-Made-Whole Series. Stay tuned for more heart-driven content every Sunday!
All the best and all the love,
xoxo
A Black Sheep