Life-Giving Relationships: Me, Myself, and I?
Updated: Oct 27, 2019
Hello my dearest Reader!
Welcome back to the Life-Giving Relationships series: you are reading our fifth and FINAL installment!
In true climactic fashion, I thought it would be fun to unpack one of THE most important relationships in our lives: our relationship with ourselves!
I know, I know... I am probably the last person to advocate for extreme levels of introspection and exasperatingly high amounts of "me-time." We've all heard me preach about community, other people, and the importance of self-improvement, but today is going to be ALL about self-discovery.
I think that through the practice of self-discovery, we can wade into levels of self-mastery that would be unattainable without this growth.
In short: the practice of 'getting to know' one's self is an effective, positive, and helpful tool in our journey towards personal growth.
Through my own journey in this area, I have been able to identify my weaknesses, (HELLO procrastination...) formulate plans to continue my personal growth, and ultimately, discover the idiosyncrasies and differences that make me... ME.
I hope that you can begin to dive into what makes you YOU as well. I hope you can gain the knowledge necessary to grow, change, and develop as a person. That's what this blog post is all about!
While no personality test is perfect, I DO think that they are worth a little bit of our energy. Below, I have compiled my top 3 different tests and frameworks that can draw you into a better understanding of your personality, your relationship needs, and the way you build habits.
Along with each "test suggestion" I will be including MY results in that area, just for fun ;)
Let's dive in!
The Meyer's Briggs "Four Letters" Test
This test has been the most effective in helping me to understand myself, and ultimately, to help me grow as a person. I resonate quite deeply with this test and truly think it brings a lot of nuance and truth to a complicated field of "personality categorization."
I still remember taking the test as a 14 year old: my mom was pretty big into personality testing, and she encouraged all of us to take it. I secretly think that she was trying to get to know our personalities so that she could communicate with us better. She was a pretty smart when it came to teenagers LOL!
But taking the test and discovering my "special" personality was incredibly exciting for me as a budding human. Nine years later and I still sport the same results from that personality test!
Throughout the years the knowledge and results from that test have helped me discover my strengths, my weaknesses, and ultimately: my needs.
So what is this test exactly?
The test measures a bunch of different areas about your personality: are you introverted or extroverted? Do you rely on your feelings or your brain to make decisions? Are you laid-back or are you extremely scheduled?
I know that sounds dry and boring, but honestly the results are quite exciting. When you can understand the unique ways your personality operates in the world, you can begin identifying your strengths and weaknesses.
By identifying my "non-dominant" traits, I was able to formulate ways to work around those weaknesses. I admitted and accepted that I am not naturally "thought-lead" and I typically work from a heart-perspective. By knowing this about myself, it has been so much easier to be aware of my emotions and when I'm allowing them to cloud my judgement.
And once you begin learning about the test, this might mean more to you, but my "type" is the INFP!
Take the test WITH THIS LINK!
The 5 Love Languages
You may have heard me reference this test before: it is highly celebrated in many Christian marriage circles and with couples' counselors alike. It is a way to understand and discover how you "receive love."
The premise is that we all communicate in different "love languages" and unbeknownst to us, we could be speaking entirely different languages than our spouse, leading to frustration, dissatisfaction, and miscommunication.
The "Love Language" categories are as follows: words of encouragement, gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.
By learning your "love language" you can begin understanding WHAT you exactly need out of a relationship and WHY you might not be feeling fulfilled. By learning your love language, you can effectively communicate to your parnter what you NEED and how you need it.
Bonus round? Learn your partner's "Love Language." Become proficient in the ways THEY receive and express love. Learn their love language and begin commuinating in harmony!
Extra bonus for you guys? My "Love Language" is quality time. So if you spend time with me, you'll know that I really care about you ;)
Take the test HERE WITH THIS LINK! Bonus bonus? You can even take this test as a couple or on behalf of your children. Highly effective and highly recommend!
The Four Tendencies
Out of all the tests recommended today, I would have to say that this one has been the most effective in my life as of RECENTLY. In 2018 when I went about overhauling my life, I found this test the MOST helpful. It helps you define your "tendency" around habit building, and ultimately, helps you discover yourself!
I'm just going to use the words lifted from the website to explain this test:
"By asking the one simple question, “How do I respond to expectations?” we gain exciting insight into ourselves. And when we know how other people respond to expectations, we understand them far more effectively, as well.
We all face two kinds of expectations—outer expectations (meet work deadlines, answer a request from a friend) and inner expectations (keep a New Year’s resolution, start meditating). Our response to expectations determines our “Tendency”—that is, whether we fit into the category of Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel.
Knowing our Tendency can help us set up situations in the ways that make it more likely that we’ll achieve our aims. We can make better decisions, meet deadlines, meet our promises to ourselves, suffer less stress, and engage more deeply with others."
So this test was seriously amazing at helping me carve out my habit-building strategies. Once I began understanding my habit tendencies, I was able to customize my entire life. I would HIGHLY recommend this one.
And for your bonus info? My tendency is a QUESTIONER. I'm sure this is unsurprising to some of you. That tendency is basically why I have built and maintained this blog! I need to know all the "WHY'S" of life!
Take the test with THIS LINK.
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you DO take these tests! They are honestly so incredible and can really help you grow as a person.
All the best and all the blessings to you today Dearest Reader,