Hello and welcome back to our beautiful romance series!
I am reporting in from my side garden; I can feel the hydrangeas tickling my neck, and I am NOT sad about it. After this writing session, I think it's time to do some more laundry and then hit the sidewalk with my dog. Oh how I love staying home.
Today we will be doing a deep-dive into the concept of mystery AND vulnerability within our romances.
With the breaking down of social norms within society, I believe that we may have gone a step too far in the rejection of etiquette and relational mystery.
It is no longer avant-garde to see a woman strut down the street in her underwear in the same way that it is no longer shocking to see Buzzfeed videos breaking down the stigma of periods. Couples move in together and have sex before the words "I love you" are even uttered!
Societal norms have not only been forgotten: they have been outright rejected.
I truly think that it can be exciting and magical to sneak out of your parent's house to go watch the sunrise with your high school boyfriend. But if you're doing that every night, it ceases to be a special and magical altogether.
We can see this same phenomenon in the lack of propriety in the way we present ourselves these days. Catching a glimpse of your girlfriend without her makeup on used to be quite intimate and special, but now people proudly march around Walmart in pyjamas, complete with greasy hair and flip flops.
Now, it's not wrong to let loose every once in awhile, especially in the olden days when everyone needed to chill out. But I think an argument can be made that we have become TOO chilled out in our modern world, and by extension, our modern relationships. I think many of us could benefit from a return to the mysterious, the "done-up," and the world of EFFORT.
I think that the "relaxed state" that many couples find themselves in leads to a letting go of their appearance, habits, and social norms within their relationship.
This is the romance series of course, so we of course need to discuss what is necessary to keep ROMANCE alive and thriving.
I believe that we can keep the romance, attraction, and sparkle in our lives through a balance of mystery AND vulnerability: a balance of je'ne'sais quoi, AND silly moments. Of classy beauty, AND messy buns. Of intimate tragic moments and triumphant achievements.
I want us to be able to improve ourselves while remembering that we do not have to be perfect. I want us to strive for higher levels of beauty, success, and achievement, while also embracing our flaws, laughing off our mistakes, and picking ourselves up after failure. This balance carries into our romance in a powerful way.
I think in the historical past, it would have been positive for couples to perhaps allow more intimacy and vulnerability into their romances. But now, as we have swung so far in the other direction, I think many of us can benefit from an increased dose of mystery.
Ultimately, the winning combination of actions is always going to lead to the amplification of your joy, fulfillment, and growth as an individual and couple. Because of this, I think we all should apply a balanced combination of intimate exposure and intoxicating mystery.
I think that balance is not often preached by the self-help gurus because it's not surprising, shocking, or intriguing to hear that life is a pursuit of balance- all at your own personal discretion. Many people desire a black and white life, filled with recipes and ingredients in easy to dose formulas.
However it is my belief that life is a journey of mistakes, successes, learning opportunities, and triumphs. I believe that our lives are up for discussion, and always up for our own discretion.
We cannot mistake one way of doing things as the ultimate answer. If you're too mysterious in your relationship, you will lose out on some wonderful intimacy. But if you're too exposed in your relationship, you can miss out on some sexy mystery that truly adds sparkle to your lifelong romance.
Too much of one thing is never good, and this is the same for marriages as anything else.
Keeping the mystery alive in romance is the key to keeping attraction afloat. Never let your spouse underestimate you by never allowing yourself to underestimate yourself. Consider transforming the messy parts of your life to be a little more mysterious.
Encouraging more privacy in our lives isn't about encouraging distance, secrets, and lies. It's about inviting a level of magic and romance back into our relationships and lives. It's about going back to the time when a man asked you out on a date, and tidied his car before picking you up, instead of booty calling you late at night for a Macdonalds run and sexual favor.
Inviting mystery and standards needs to occur at the beginning of a romance, when you are setting boundaries. Don't be afraid to invite it back in when you have lost it though. Tell your husband you want to take more time getting ready in the morning, or that you want to go out on a real date, even if it's just a free picnic to the park. Communicate to your partner what would make you happy and add to the mystery and propriety of your relationship.
But always keep balanced.
Never sway too far into the decorum and mystery that you feel like strangers living in the same home. Foster your friendship AND the sexy mystery. Whenever I notice that I'm getting a little sloppy with my appearance, my manners, or my etiquette at home, I remind myself of what it felt like to go on my first date with my husband. And whenever I feel too distant with him, I like to try to throw in some laugher, silliness, and vulnerability.
Stay balanced and stay tenderhearted. Pursue the balance that feels right to you, and never apologize for having standards.
Learn to keep some things coy and special. And certainly, if you're looking for my advice, I would always recommend keeping the restroom door closed, except for exotic and fun trysts in the shower. Try to learn to keep things private, special, and mysterious. Learn to keep the inner workings of your life a little less exposed, and be amazed at the beautiful attraction that follows.
Never forget that we are naturally attracted to what we are curious about. Leave room for curiosity, and allow yourself to be pursued.
Now, we cannot forget to address intimacy and vulnerability as well. If you struggle with intimacy, remember that the journey to romance includes a necessary amount of exposure and intimacy. The vulnerability of falling in love is what makes it different than an acquaintance or even a friendship.
The more you share of yourself with another person, the more you put yourself at risk. But it is that very risk that enables you to take part in the beauty, joy, and magnificence of romance. Each blessing, responsibility, and joy in life comes with sacrifice and duty, but the sacrifice of our trust to another is always a worthwhile pursuit.
Don't sell yourself short by refusing to be tender and vulnerable with someone. Sure, you may experience heartbreak, but here's the truth: almost all of us will. Life is not free from these tragedies, and yes, I truly believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Pursue your personal formula of mystery AND vulnerability. Walk down the middle of the road, and wisely put romance on your radar. Life is a magical series of adventures, and romance is one of those beautiful adventures.
Do not be fooled by modern dogma that decries our exposure to examples of romance. Life is more than romance, sure, but it is not complete without a heavy dose of romance, companionship, and love.
I know that you will each encounter questions and obstacles on your journey to romance: we all do. But just know that the pursuit of romance, intimacy, and the sexy mystery of love is one that will bring you joy, intrigue, and lasting memories.
Discover where you are lacking in your romance, and pursue those changes. Maybe it's time to shut the bathroom door, chit-chat a little less, and invite more silence into your relationship. Or maybe you could use a good dose of vulnerability, and it's time to take off the hairpiece, the makeup, and the shape-wear. Allow your partner to KNOW you: for to know someone is to love them.
All the best my mysterious and beautiful sisters. I send my blessings upon you as you journey towards romance, affection, and lifelong companionship.
xoxo,
Cait