Good Morning Dear Reader!
Thanks for tuning in for our Friday post! Last Friday we covered "14 Ways I've Become More Feminine." That post was SO fun to write, and SO rewarding to hear from you guys on how you've incorporated more femininity into your lives!
Today I want to talk about another important topic. This topic has actually been on my mind all week, and I can't wait to dig into it. Today let's talk about how we are bringing "value" in our relationships.
Let's dive in!
If you've ever been interviewed for a serious job before, I'm sure you've been asked the following question:
"So Reader, what value will you bring to our company?"
The interviewer is staring straight at you, but you don't even bat a lash! You KNOW what this question is asking: you KNOW what value you're bringing to your job, and you've got a barrage of answers ready:
"Value you say? Well Interviewer, I'm bringing dedication, passion, enthusiasm, willingness to be a team player, determination, hard work, self-motivation, and communication skills!"
Awesome! What an amazing employee you will be.
Now let's ask ANOTHER question for the sake of this blog: "What value are you bringing to your relationships?"
Huh? Value in ...relationships?
Let's unpack this.
When I was young, I assumed that the "value" I brought to my relationship would be tied to my beauty and my agreeability. I thought that all I had to do was be pretty and nice!
And you know what? Our society pretty much preaches this as well, and when pressed, a lot of men will say that they are just looking for a woman who is "hot" and "nice." Unfortunately, being hot and nice really aren't VALUABLE characteristics!
Can you imagine if you answered your future employer with that response?
"Well Interviewer, I will be bringing value to your company like you've never seen before: I will bring my hotness and niceness to the table, impacting your productivity and bottom line in ways you've never seen before."
Beauty and niceties ARE important to relationships: for about the first 15 minutes. But once you actually ATTRACT a mate and START a relationship, beauty and charm are NOT enough to make your relationship thrive.
Relationships require passion, self-motivation, hard work, communication skills, and determination, JUST LIKE COMPANIES. And just as companies thrive when employees bring value and skills to the table, FAMILIES and RELATIONSHIPS thrive as well.
What if we treated our marriages and relationships with as much care, enthusiasm, and dedication as we would towards an important job? What if we approached relationships with a mindset that prioritized "value?"
So many of us begin relationships thinking about what WE can get out of it, not what we're bringing to the table. I'm guilty of doing this in the past too!
We all want intimacy, validation, affection, and camaraderie, which are good things: but too often, we pair those desires with an unwillingness to improve our own behavior, an absolute allergy towards constructive criticism, and an intolerance towards change.
Can you imagine if we approached our jobs this way?
The idea of bringing "value" to a relationship forces us to step away from our own selfishness and unwillingness to look at our OWN behavior.
So what value are you bringing?
Are you willing to be a team player with your spouse or are you stubborn until you get your way?
Are you self-motivated to get tasks done around the house or are you unwilling to lift a finger?
Are you enthusiastic about being in your relationship or do you answer the phone with an irritated tone?
Do you bring good communication skills or are you passive aggressive?
No one is born with a set of perfectly groomed traits that makes them the PERFECT employee at their job: no! We all grow and change through constructive criticism, accountability, and practice.
Likewise, no one is perfectly cut out for a perfect relationship. Relationships are just another avenue in which we have the opportunity to learn, grow, and CHANGE.
But this means LISTENING to constructive criticism from your spouse, your mom, or your friend. It means being willing to CHANGE your habits and maybe even your point of view!
And if someone points out that you need to change, it doesn't mean that they're not "loving you for who you are." It just means that they are noticing an intrinsic fact: WE ARE HUMANS AND WE ARE NOT PERFECT!
No one expects you to be perfect 24/7, just like no one expects to have the perfect employee. (And if they do expect perfection, honestly cut those toxic people out of your life, and yes, quit that toxic job.)
I want to finish this by saying that we can ALL grow to bring MORE value to our relationships: you can change your attitude, behavior, or perspective whenever you decide.
I used to complain A LOT, was REALLY hard to please, and was also really messy, unorganized, and LAZY!
But you know what? I changed! I increased the value I was bringing to the company that is my family by changing my attitude, becoming more laid back, and learning to be disciplined and orderly. In short, I became a better team player. And it benefits our family SO much!
So my Dear Reader, I would encourage you to sit down today and write down all the areas of "value" that you bring to your relationship!
Maybe you DO bring enthusiasm, but you don't bring hard work. Maybe you're all good with dedication and passion, but you lack in the area of being a "team-player."
Whatever the area you want to improve, just remember that the energy is worth it! Your family will improve, your relationship will improve, and most of all, your LIFE will improve.